107 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
Executable file
107 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
Executable file
swaps <who>'s shampoo with glue.
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installs Windows on <who>'s computer.
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forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks.
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registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers.
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resizes <who>'s console to 40x24.
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takes <who>'s drink.
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dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'.
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pokes <who> in the eye.
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beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Linux manual.
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cats /dev/random into <who>'s ear.
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signs <who> up for AOL.
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downvotes <who> on Reddit.
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enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101.
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sporks <who>.
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drops a truckload of support tickets on <who>.
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judo chops <who>.
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sets <who>'s resolution to 800x600.
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formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12.
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rm -rf's <who>.
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stabs <who>.
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makes <who> learn C++.
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steals <who>'s mojo.
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strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord.
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whacks <who> with the cluebat.
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sells <who> on EBay.
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drops creepers on <who>'s house.
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throws all of <who>'s diamond gear into lava.
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uses <who> as a biological warfare study.
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uses the 'Customer Appreciation Bat' on <who>.
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puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex.
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casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.
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gives <who> a melvin.
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turns <who> over to the Fun Police.
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turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be 'bugged'.
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takes away <who>'s internet connection.
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pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon.
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counts '1, 2, 5... er... 3!' and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who>.
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puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders.
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makes <who> read slashdot at -1.
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puts 'alias vim=emacs' in <who>'s /etc/profile.
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uninstalls every web browser from <who>'s system.
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locks <who> in the Chateau d'If.
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signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons.
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makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer.
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fills <who>'s eyedrop bottle with lime juice.
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casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.
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gives <who> a Flying Dutchman.
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rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death.
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pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher.
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pokes <who> with a rusty nail.
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puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets.
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pours sand into <who>'s breakfast.
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mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste.
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puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lube container.
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straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of \"the world's most annoying sound\" from \"Dumb and Dumber\".
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tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack.
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forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing.
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smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass.
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puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives.
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makes <who> watch reruns of \"Blue's Clues\".
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puts lye in <who>'s coffee.
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introduces <who> to the clue-by-four.
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tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass.
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lets Borg have his way with <who>.
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signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center.
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wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings.
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gives <who> a 2 gauge Prince Albert.
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forces <who> to eat all their veggies.
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covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper.
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fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce.
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forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly never-ending IRC political debate.
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knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4.
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removes Debian from <who>'s system.
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switches <who> over to CentOS.
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uses <who>'s iPod for skeet shooting practice.
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gives <who>'s phone number to Borg.
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posts <who>'s IP, username(s), and password(s) on 4chan.
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forces <who> to use words like 'irregardless' and 'administrate' (thereby sounding like a real dumbass).
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tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out.
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replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue.
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replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets.
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squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline.
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forces <who> to learn the Win32 API.
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gives <who> an atomic wedgie.
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ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast.
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forces <who> to use notepad for text editing.
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frowns at <who> really, really hard.
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jabs a hot lighter into <who>'s eye sockets.
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forces <who> to browse the web with IE6.
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takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue.
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forces <who> to listen to emo music.
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lets a few creepers into <who>'s house.
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signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship.
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attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM.
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dragon punches <who>.
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puts railroad spikes into <who>'s side.
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replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld.
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replaces <who>'s stress pills with rat poison pellets.
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replaces <who>'s crotch itch cream with Nair.
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does the Australian Death Grip on <who>.
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dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors.
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farts in <who>'s general direction.
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flogs <who> with stinging nettle.
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intoduces <who> to the Knights who say Ni.
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assigns all of the permissions tickets on the BeastNode support system to <who>.
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hands <who> a poison ivy joint.
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