CloudBot/plugins/data/larts.txt

swaps <who>'s shampoo with glue.
installs Windows on <who>'s computer.
forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks.
registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers.
resizes <who>'s console to 40x24.
takes <who>'s drink.
dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'.
pokes <who> in the eye.
beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Linux manual.
cats /dev/random into <who>'s ear.
signs <who> up for AOL.
downvotes <who> on Reddit.
enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101.
sporks <who>.
drops a truckload of support tickets on <who>.
judo chops <who>.
sets <who>'s resolution to 800x600.
formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12.
rm -rf's <who>.
stabs <who>.
makes <who> learn C++.
steals <who>'s mojo.
strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord.
whacks <who> with the cluebat.
sells <who> on EBay.
drops creepers on <who>'s house.
throws all of <who>'s diamond gear into lava.
uses <who> as a biological warfare study.
uses the 'Customer Appreciation Bat' on <who>.
puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex.
casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.
gives <who> a melvin.
turns <who> over to the Fun Police.
turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be 'bugged'.
takes away <who>'s internet connection.
pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon.
counts '1, 2, 5... er... 3!' and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who>.
puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders.
makes <who> read slashdot at -1.
puts 'alias vim=emacs' in <who>'s /etc/profile.
uninstalls every web browser from <who>'s system.
locks <who> in the Chateau d'If.
signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons.
makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer.
fills <who>'s eyedrop bottle with lime juice.
casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.
gives <who> a Flying Dutchman.
rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death.
pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher.
pokes <who> with a rusty nail.
puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets.
pours sand into <who>'s breakfast.
mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste.
puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lube container.
straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of \"the world's most annoying sound\" from \"Dumb and Dumber\".
tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack.
forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing.
smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass.
puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives.
makes <who> watch reruns of \"Blue's Clues\".
puts lye in <who>'s coffee.
introduces <who> to the clue-by-four.
tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass.
lets Borg have his way with <who>.
signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center.
wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings.
gives <who> a 2 gauge Prince Albert.
forces <who> to eat all their veggies.
covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper.
fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce.
forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly never-ending IRC political debate.
knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4.
removes Debian from <who>'s system.
switches <who> over to CentOS.
uses <who>'s iPod for skeet shooting practice.
gives <who>'s phone number to Borg.
posts <who>'s IP, username(s), and password(s) on 4chan.
forces <who> to use words like 'irregardless' and 'administrate' (thereby sounding like a real dumbass).
tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out.
replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue.
replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets.
squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline.
forces <who> to learn the Win32 API.
gives <who> an atomic wedgie.
ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast.
forces <who> to use notepad for text editing.
frowns at <who> really, really hard.
jabs a hot lighter into <who>'s eye sockets.
forces <who> to browse the web with IE6.
takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue.
forces <who> to listen to emo music.
lets a few creepers into <who>'s house.
signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship.
attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM.
dragon punches <who>.
puts railroad spikes into <who>'s side.
replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld.
replaces <who>'s stress pills with rat poison pellets.
replaces <who>'s crotch itch cream with Nair.
does the Australian Death Grip on <who>.
dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors.
farts in <who>'s general direction.
flogs <who> with stinging nettle.
intoduces <who> to the Knights who say Ni.
hands <who> a poison ivy joint.