from util import hook
import re
import random

larts = ["swaps <who>'s shampoo with glue",
        "installs windows on <who>'s machine",
        "forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks",
        "registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers",
        "resizes <who>'s console to 40x24",
        "takes <who>'s drink",
        "dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'",
        "pokes <who> in the eye",
        "beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Linux manual",
        "cats /dev/random into <who>'s ear",
        "signs <who> up for AOL",
        "enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101",
        "sporks <who>",
        "drops a truckload of support tickets on <who>",
        "judo chops <who>",
        "sets <who>'s resolution to 800x600",
        "formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12",
        "rm -rf's <who>",
        "stabs <who>",
        "steals <who>'s mojo",
        "strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord",
        "whacks <who> with the cluebat",
        "sells <who> on EBay",
        "uses <who> as a biological warfare study",
        "uses the 'Customer Appreciation Bat' on <who>",
        "puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex",
        "casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom",
        "gives <who> a melvin",
        "turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be 'bugged'",
        "takes away <who>'s internet connection",
        "pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon",
        "counts '1, 2, 5... er... 3!' and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who>",
        "puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders",
        "makes <who> read slashdot at -1",
        "puts 'alias vim=emacs' in <who>'s /etc/profile",
        "uninstalls every web browser from <who>'s system",
        "locks <who> in the Chateau d'If",
        "signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons",
        "makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer",
        "fills <who>'s eyedrop bottle with lime juice",
        "casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.",
        "gives <who> a Flying Dutchman",
        "rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death",
        "pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher",
        "pokes <who> with a rusty nail",
        "puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets",
        "pours sand into <who>'s breakfast",
        "mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste",
        "puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lube container",
        "straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of \"the world's most annoying sound\" from \"Dumb and Dumber\"",
        "tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack",
        "forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing",
        "smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass",
        "puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives",
        "makes <who> watch reruns of \"Blue's Clues\"",
        "puts lye in <who>'s coffee",
        "tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass",
        "lets Borg have his way with <who>",
        "signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center",
        "wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings",
        "gives <who> a 2 guage Prince Albert",
        "forces <who> to eat all their veggies",
        "covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper",
        "fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce",
        "forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly neverending IRC political debate",
        "knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4",
        "removes debian from <who>'s system",
        "uses <who>'s iPod for skeet shooting practice",
        "gives <who>'s phone number to Borg",
        "posts <who>'s IP, username, and password on 4chan",
        "forces <who> to use words like 'irregardless' and 'administrate' (thereby sounding like a real dumbass)",
        "tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out",
        "replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue",
        "replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets",
        "squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline",
        "Forces <who> to learn the Win32 API",
        "gives <who> an atomic wedgie",
        "ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast",
        "forces <who> to use notepad for text editing",
        "frowns at <who> really really hard",
        "jabs a hot lighter into <who>'s eye sockets",
        "forces <who> to browse the web with IE6",
        "takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue",
        "forces <who> to listen to emo music",
        "lets a few creepers into <who>'s house",
        "signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship",
        "attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM",
        "dragon punches <who>",
        "puts track spikes into <who>'s side",
        "replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld",
        "replaces <who>'s stress pills with rat poison pellets",
        "replaces <who>s crotch itch cream with Nair",
        "does the Australian Death Grip on <who>",
        "dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors.",
        "farts in <who>'s general direction",
        "flogs <who> with stinging neddle",
        "assigns all of the permissions tickets on the BeastNode support system to <who>",
        "hands <who> a poison ivy joint"]

@hook.command
def lart(inp, me=None,  nick=None, input=None, notice=None):
    ".lart <user> -- Makes the bot LART <user>."
    inp = inp.strip()

    if not re.match("^[A-Za-z0-9_|.-\]\[]*$", inp.lower()):
        notice("Invalid username!")
        return

    if inp == input.conn.nick.lower() or inp == "itself":
        msg = re.sub ('<who>', nick, random.choice(larts))
    else:
        msg = re.sub ('<who>', inp, random.choice(larts))

    me(msg)