2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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from util import hook
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import re
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import random
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2012-03-03 23:14:40 +01:00
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larts = ["swaps <who>'s shampoo with glue.",
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"installs Windows on <who>'s computer.",
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"forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks.",
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"registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers.",
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"resizes <who>'s console to 40x24.",
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"takes <who>'s drink.",
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"dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'.",
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"pokes <who> in the eye.",
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"beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Linux manual.",
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"cats /dev/random into <who>'s ear.",
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"signs <who> up for AOL.",
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"downvotes <who> on Reddit.",
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"enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101.",
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"sporks <who>.",
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"drops a truckload of support tickets on <who>.",
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"judo chops <who>.",
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"sets <who>'s resolution to 800x600.",
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"formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12.",
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"rm -rf's <who>.",
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"stabs <who>.",
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"makes <who> learn C++.",
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"steals <who>'s mojo.",
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"strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord.",
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"whacks <who> with the cluebat.",
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"sells <who> on EBay.",
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"drops creepers on <who>'s house.",
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"throws all of <who>'s diamond gear into lava.",
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"uses <who> as a biological warfare study.",
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"uses the 'Customer Appreciation Bat' on <who>.",
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"puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex.",
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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"casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.",
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2012-03-03 23:14:40 +01:00
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"gives <who> a melvin.",
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"turns <who> over to the Fun Police.",
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"turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be 'bugged'.",
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"takes away <who>'s internet connection.",
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"pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon.",
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"counts '1, 2, 5... er... 3!' and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who>.",
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"puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders.",
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"makes <who> read slashdot at -1.",
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"puts 'alias vim=emacs' in <who>'s /etc/profile.",
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"uninstalls every web browser from <who>'s system.",
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"locks <who> in the Chateau d'If.",
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"signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons.",
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"makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer.",
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"fills <who>'s eyedrop bottle with lime juice.",
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"casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.",
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"gives <who> a Flying Dutchman.",
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"rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death.",
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"pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher.",
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"pokes <who> with a rusty nail.",
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"puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets.",
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"pours sand into <who>'s breakfast.",
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"mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste.",
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"puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lube container.",
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"straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of \"the world's most annoying sound\" from \"Dumb and Dumber\".",
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"tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack.",
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"forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing.",
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"smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass.",
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"puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives.",
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"makes <who> watch reruns of \"Blue's Clues\".",
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"puts lye in <who>'s coffee.",
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"introduces <who> to the clue-by-four.",
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"tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass.",
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"lets Borg have his way with <who>.",
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"signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center.",
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"wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings.",
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"gives <who> a 2 gauge Prince Albert.",
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"forces <who> to eat all their veggies.",
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"covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper.",
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"fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce.",
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"forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly never-ending IRC political debate.",
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"knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4.",
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"removes Debian from <who>'s system.",
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"switches <who> over to CentOS.",
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"uses <who>'s iPod for skeet shooting practice.",
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"gives <who>'s phone number to Borg.",
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"posts <who>'s IP, username(s), and password(s) on 4chan.",
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"forces <who> to use words like 'irregardless' and 'administrate' (thereby sounding like a real dumbass).",
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"tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out.",
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"replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue.",
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"replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets.",
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"squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline.",
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"forces <who> to learn the Win32 API.",
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"gives <who> an atomic wedgie.",
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"ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast.",
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"forces <who> to use notepad for text editing.",
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"frowns at <who> really, really hard.",
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"jabs a hot lighter into <who>'s eye sockets.",
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"forces <who> to browse the web with IE6.",
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"takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue.",
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"forces <who> to listen to emo music.",
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"lets a few creepers into <who>'s house.",
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"signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship.",
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"attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM.",
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"dragon punches <who>.",
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"puts railroad spikes into <who>'s side.",
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"replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld.",
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"replaces <who>'s stress pills with rat poison pellets.",
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"replaces <who>'s crotch itch cream with Nair.",
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"does the Australian Death Grip on <who>.",
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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"dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors.",
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2012-03-03 23:14:40 +01:00
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"farts in <who>'s general direction.",
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"flogs <who> with stinging nettle.",
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"intoduces <who> to the Knights who say Ni.",
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"assigns all of the permissions tickets on the BeastNode support system to <who>.",
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"hands <who> a poison ivy joint."]
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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@hook.command
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2012-02-29 09:29:53 +01:00
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def lart(inp, me=None, nick=None, input=None, notice=None):
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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".lart <user> -- Makes the bot LART <user>."
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inp = inp.strip()
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if not re.match("^[A-Za-z0-9_|.-\]\[]*$", inp.lower()):
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notice("Invalid username!")
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return
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if inp == input.conn.nick.lower() or inp == "itself":
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2012-03-06 05:53:45 +01:00
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target = nick
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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else:
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2012-03-06 05:53:45 +01:00
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target = inp
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msg = re.sub ('<who>', target, random.choice(larts))
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2012-02-29 08:31:42 +01:00
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me(msg)
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